I read a book years ago titled "On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society" by Lt. Col. David Grossman and found it a fascinating study.  He explained how and why, during the Vietnam War, our soldiers, individually, were capable of killing far more enemy than Americans had in any conflict prior.  According to the author it was due to the successful breaking down of the powerful psychological barrier most humans have to taking another human's life.  There are exceptional humans who have no little or no barrier; we call them psychopaths or sociopaths.  I've seen now, first hand, how this is done, although to a much lesser extent than do soldiers and Marines who go through full combat training.

I mentioned in my last entry that the better shooters are called killers.  And the Drill Instructors are smiling at us and encouraging us when they say it.  "Are you going to be one of my killers today?" they will ask.  We started to call each other killer, just joking around with each other.  We shoot at vaguely human shaped silhouette targets now, not the round bullseyes with which we started.  We ran through a high-tech simulation during which we would fire at full-sized video images of people acting in life-like scenarios and the computer system would register our lethal and non-lethal shots in a slow motion replay.  A group of five of us would watch the scenario unfold until a threat presented itself and then we would "Light 'em up."  In six second we could place 120 rounds into three or four characters.

During another exercise I found myself seeing the silhouette targets before me as enemy insurgents.  I better get them before they get me or one of my buddies.  Two shots, center of mass.  POP POP!  POP POP!  And keep it up until the target stops moving.  It's a strange amalgamation of reflexive conditioning, de-humanization and encouragement.  I should say though that the de-humanization part isn't derogatory at all.  Nobody uses any slurs or nicknames for our enemies.  It's always just "the target" this and "the target" that.  There is a target behind that wall.  There's a target planting an IED.  Engage the target!

Is this a bad thing?  I suppose it depends.  Am I going to start devaluing human life?  I don't expect to.  But am I going to be able to react faster to a threat when it presents itself?  Will I be in a better mental position to protect myself, my shipmates (I am still in the Navy after all), or innocent civilians?  I think so.  The old Mark had a history of not reacting very quickly in certain circumstances because his mind would start tracking through all of the ramifications of the various potential actions and inactions.  Well, if I do this, this and this will happen.  If I don't do this, this other thing and this other thing will happen and this other one won't.  Meanwhile, I'm not reacting at all.  We'll see if this new training and mindset translates to other parts of my life.